5 Ways to Give Your Readers Headaches

Are you sick of readers hanging around, reading post after post and using up your bandwidth? Get rid of those pesky readers quickly by giving them headaches. Headaches will drive your readers away and leave you in peace and quiet. Here are 5 sure fire ways to give your readers headaches today:

1. Use Brightly Colored Text

It seems like every blog you visit has black text on a white field. Some may be brave and invert the colors – white text on a black field. How boring! Why not use bright colors to add that extra something special to your post. Never mind choosing just one color to highlight links and clickable text. Go all out and use the whole rainbow. It’ll get your readers squinting in no time and before you know it, their headaches will drive them away from your site.

2. Forget Mobile Friendly Design

You know, a lot of your readers are probably using their smartphones right now to read your latest blog post. Get them to put the phone down by using a format that isn’t mobile friendly. That way your readers will have to pinch and drag their way around the page, even scrolling back and forth with each line. There’s no faster way to get a mobile user to click the back button.

3. Use Solid Blocks of Text

Readers still bothering you? It might be because your text is too readable. Short paragraphs, lists, and white space are giving them breaks and letting their eye strain recover. Don’t give up. Write in long, run on sentences and paragraphs. Your readers will get so lost, they won’t be able to get away fast enough.

4. Hide Your Content

The best way to get readers off your site is to hide it from them in the first place. You wouldn’t want readers reducing the value of your prime content by sharing it all over social media, would you? Just forget about posting links to your blog on your Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, or other social media accounts. Your blog will fade into obscurity and you’ll never have to worry about pesky readers again.

5. Rely on Legalese and Trade Speak

If you still have a few determined readers who have put up with all the headaches to read your blog, don’t worry. They won’t come back after you wow them with your command of legalese and trade speak. No need to make sure they understand what you’re saying. After all, you want to look like the expert, right? So load in all those words you learned in law school. It’s sure to give those few remaining readers migraines.

Educational blogs may be one of the best ways to show off your expertise and bring in new potential clients, but you aren’t about growing your business right now. Avoid all the hassle by using these 5 tips to give your readers headaches. You’ll never have to be bothered by ROI on your blog again!

Author Lisa Schmidt

Lisa Schmidt is a writer for Legal Linguist in Ferndale, Michigan. She provides educational blogs and web content for law firms and small businesses. If you are looking for a headache-free way to bring clients to your door, contact Legal Linguist today to schedule a meeting.

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